I WIN!

So I am awake at 4:23 am because I woke with a bout of nausea. I got a liiiiiiitle cocky yesterday, since I was feeling so well, and wasn’t taking my meds back-to-back.

SURPRISE! I still need my precious anti-nausea meds!

(I am sure it has nothing to do, also, with the fact I started eating REAL food yesterday and that my poor digestive track has no idea how to digest anything other than the toast I ate for nearly 4 days…)

ANYWAY

So I got on facebook to try to distract my brain as my meds kicked in (thankfully they did within like 10 minutes) and I was reading some responses to a post I had made in a group that wasn’t about cancer- but I mentioned my chemo as part of the question I was posing.

Let me tell you…people are SO KIND when they hear that C word. I got several responses just to tell me supportive words of encouragement even though I wasn’t asking for it.

It made my heart happy.

Maybe we should start treating everyone we meet like they have cancer…maybe the world would be just a little kinder? Maybe we can start to look at each other like humans again?

Thinking about THAT reminded me of something that I was told/have been told many times over the years regarding Ellie’s health issues.

“At least it’s not cancer!”

(I just literally sighed loudly after writing that).

Yes, when people are trying to be kind and supportive, they can say things like that. “At least it’s not cancer.”

This has ALWAYS bugged me- for multiple reasons. Of course now that I HAVE cancer- I have some thoughts on this:

It’s still a stupid thing to say.

So don’t.

First of all- when it came to my personal situation of hearing this phrase….it’s dismissive. Because….

VERY FEW AILMENTS “BEAT” CANCER.

You know what I mean, right? Like- I currently hold THE CARD for almost all arguments.

I HAVE CANCER! IT IS THE WORST!

I WIN!!!

Noone’s life can actually be worse, right?

Oh wait….

You see…it’s SO DISMISSIVE. Yeah, maybe I have the “I WIN” card for this year- but misery and suffering is not some competition. EVERYONE SUFFERS. Maybe differently- but we all do. I may have cancer but your life still has things that suck in it and those things aren’t fair either and I love you and support you no matter what! (Even though, you know, I WIN…).

Sure, I am thankful my kid doesn’t have cancer- but believe me- she’s suffered so much that maybe cancer would have been easier.

But here is the OTHER thing that’s dismissive about that comment- there are actually things worse than cancer.

I know, shocking. But true.

There are things worse than cancer. And I can tell you that because I’ve lived them. I lived them in 2019 even.

The same goes for my sweet friends who find themselves apologizing because they are venting about something and then they realize you know, My life sucks. But friends, ALL OUR LIVES SUCK SOMETIMES. It’s ok! I am still here to listen and commiserate on the suck-fest that can be life sometimes.

BUT

Remember that I may say, with MUCH sarcasm, something about me having cancer, just to mess with you.

Because…I WIN!